A few years ago, the Bearded Man designated a spot in the backyard as a wild flower patch for the kids and me. While we watched him sprinkle the seeds, he warned that they wouldn’t be up that season, but the next. He went on to say, “These aren’t going to grow in Shandi’s time, you have to be patient.” Um yea, I have quite the reputation of not wanting to wait on anything.
I’ve struggled with this my whole life. Some of the dumbest things I’ve done, revolved around taking the instant gratification over waiting for what God had in store.
I’m in a season of waiting right now. There are several things we are praying for as a family. I have a terrible tendency of giving God suggestions and helpful hints on how my life should go, and the timeline He should do it in. You might be laughing, because you do the same thing, or you might be aghast because that is so prideful of me.
I know it is. What in the world makes me think that I know better than the God who created me? He already has my days numbered and goes before me, and yet I get antsy when he’s not taking my “helpful suggestions.”
I’ve had the Lauren Daigle song, “Trust in You”, playing over and over in our house, because the words are exactly my hearts cry right now.
I’m tired, I’m emotional, and I’m getting discouraged. I’ve been a Believer most of my life, and yet I still struggle in trusting God to handle the most delicate parts of my life.
Sure, I talk big to others about trusting God. Talk is so cheap. When anxiety starts taking over, and fear grips my heart to the point where my family can see terror in my eyes…that’s when I know deep down that I’m not fully trusting God.
It hurts to lay out my failures, but how my unbelief must hurt Him so much more.
I admit, the day my Husband planted the wildflowers and said it would take a whole year, I thought, “Puh! What’s the point if we can’t enjoy them this year?”
Ugh, I really don’t like to wait.
But once they came up, they came up beautifully. My kids and I have gotten so much enjoyment over the past few summers from those flowers. I’ve had memories of flower picking with my kids and mason jars full of beautiful bouquets thanks to waiting for them to come up.
I wish this post was about how I’ve arrived and overcome this issue.
Not even close.
Prayers are so greatly appreciated as I struggle in this hard season of waiting. If you struggle in this area, I’d love to pray for you as well!
“But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.”